Party From Dusk till Dawn

As I breathe in and out the smoke.

It gets to my eyes; I’m blinded for a while.

Bitter it may taste, yet still I take.

The beer I claim mine.

Sounds of people’s chatter,

Loud music that gets louder.

Which will I prefer?

The bustle of the party or

The solitude of silence?

But I do not worry for it may not matter.

As the party goes on,

From dusk till dawn.

I feel so tipsy,

Yet; still I drink more and am merry.

The people I call “friends” laugh with no end.

To me all of this seems shallow,

But I bite my doubt coz I’ll get lost

If this crowd I don’t follow.

And when the party is over,

I walk swaying to my empty room.

I opened the lock,

It was already early morn.

Straight to bed in my party clothes,

With beer and smoke to smell.

But as sleep comes, I utter a prayer,

“Lord, was I happy today?”

I realize it was wrong to ask,

I have done these things on my own accord.

But the tears I could not mask.

What did it take for me to please the friends I’m with?

It took my soul and left me so weak.

What did it take to fill the emptiness in me?

It took buckets of beer but it only made me sick.

What did it take for me to be happy?

It only took my integrity and my God along the way.

- I have written this poem during my loneliness and search for God 2 years ago before I finally gave my life. I think I wrote this while I was recovering from a Hang over. After reading it again, I realized how lost I was. I keep on reading this verse in Romans 7:15. Now I realized, I have been longing for God for so long.

- If I’m not alone please tell me..I would love to pray for you..You are not alone…

Comments

WANT TO WALK ON WATER? STEP OUT OF YOUR BOAT!

Sometimes I get frustrated in discipleship. My frustrations might seem directed towards people but its actually the FEARS thats eating them alive. I am angry at that. I really want to send them back to where they belong. I mean the Fear ha? Not the person! But at the same time you feel very helpless to help the person. You can't help someone unless they want the help. In my reverie, I thought of one of my rhemas lately in prayer. It was Peter walking on water in Matthew14:27-31. As I dwell in the Word, I also felt what Peter was going through. Have you ever tried wanting to experience something soooooo amazing it requires something from you really crazy? I dont really know what Peter's intentions were when he decided to step out of the boat and walked on water. It might have sounded like a way for him to prove it was really Jesus walking on water. So he asked Jesus to call him out and Jesus said, "Yes, come." (But as for me in my curre...

Bring them back to Repentance? IMPOSSIBLE

This message in Hebrews 6:4 to 6, can be a warning to 3 people: Those who ‘turned away from God”; Those who have not ‘turned away from God and; Those who know people who “turned from God”. It stands as a warning to us. Have we heard God’s voice and trembled? I don’t mean fear that keeps us from coming to God, but the kind of fear that is spoken in Proverbs as “the foundation of wisdom.” We fondly pray that God would speak to us and hear His voice but do we really know what we are praying? It reminded me of the Israelites who were at the foot of Mount Sinai. When they heard God’s thunderous voice, they did not dare come nearer and asked Moses to speak in their behalf (Deuteronomy 5:23-27). To quote Francis Chan, “When you pick up your Bible, you are actually holding something better than a voice coming out of a cloud on the top of a mountain.” So this warning must really create a Holy fear in us that will keep us from turning away from God. It ...

Nothingness

The Tools God gave me to do His Work. My Guitar. Pre-Encounter Booklet. Manila Paper for the Copy of the Songs. Songbook. The Word of God. After a long ride from Davao to Kabacan (4pm and we were still in Matina), I went directly to one of my girls for our opencell/date/pre-enc. After two hours of sharing/talking/lesson, went home to prepare for the Sunday Service tomorrow and of course, to get some rest. I was alone. Erika and te Juvy is still having their pre-enc party. My sis and my father is asleep. My mother is still on duty. I am alone. One woman Team preparing for the Sunday Gathering tomorrow. As I was Musing/Practicing/Soaking/Praying/Meditating (I think I should change my title into slash!!jejeje), I received a text message from Nay Langga: "God will put you in a place of nothingness so that you'll have nothing to cling on except Hid love." I was struck by the message. Nothingness....I'm in a state of nothingness at that time. I was alone. And I felt nothing...

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