“Restless? Be STILL”

See the picture? That’s our University field. It’s so vast for me even I’ve seen it almost my whole life. Growing up inside the campus, growing up seeing all of these for 22 years, I still never get use to these. Masarap mag senti sa mga lugar na ito. Maaliwalas, tahimik at malawak- kasing lawak ng imagination ko.

Peace. Lately, I’ve been struggling with peace. Heart. Mind. Body. Soul. Whenever I see this vastness I would dream again. That God would fill this with so many young people that will worship Him, give their lives to Him. And you know what? It excites me. And scares me. It makes me happy. And makes me nervous. Maybe it’s just really part of my personality. As Kabacan Ministry is taking off- Sunday services and open cells, my list of goals and dreams also increases. It’s not a bad thing- having goals are all important so that you would know if we really are progressing. “But we must hold on to the progress we have already made.” Phil3:16.

Since all of these are happening, my prayer times have been having less peace. Other than the environment or external struggles there are my internal struggles. Since I’m the melancholic type, I have this struggle that whenever I pray, 5 minutes into prayer, my mind wonders to the things I have to do. I would start doing lists on my head, goals for this week, things to do, reminders and so on and so forth.it bothers me that I am easily distracted. Actually it frustrates me. Especially with myself. For me I seem so weak, that’s why it really humbles me that God would even entrust me this responsibility despite my weaknesses. #Grace

I’m not complaining. Don’t get me wrong. This is just a way I could breathe it out- writing about it. I could feel the pressure- good pressure, the type that exudes like a grape in a wine press. Then today, my devotional reminded me something- I need to be STILL.

Proverbs 27:19

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.”

The first thing I asked was, “Do I reflect God?” and my answer is No. I won’t deny it coz it’s true. I don’t have a quiet heart and mind right now just like still waters could fully reflect something. And my life should reflect God. But how can it reflect Him if in the first place I am not like that still water? I keep on repeating it to myself. “Be still and know Him God.”

I’ve read one quote from Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy: ‘It is only when the waters are perfectly still that they can reflect the glories of the heavens.’ Yep. It hit a mark. I really need to practice tuning out everything from the outside world. Patience is really an Art. Practiced through time, Hard work and even sacrifices. I need to give up a lot of things. Whenever I start with my devotional time, I don’t turn on the music anymore. Most of the times I just sit and try to be still. As in yung tipong at peace ka. At di sya madali. Lalo na pa gang dami mong iniisip. Ako pa naman yung tipo ng tao na pag may iniisip, it’s either I write it down or I move it. When I’m not at ease, I clean the house, I wash dishes and even disarrange my things and arrange it again. I’m like that. Weird? Jajajajaja…ganun din ang mother ko…busy body and restless. Tsk.. so it requires my strength to be still. But the Lord always assures me. He always speaks encouragement through His Words. In my desperation in my state, I hold on to His Word tightly. I cling to it daily and by His Grace, He speaks to me in His still small voice.

This kind of life is also difficult in our times. Why? We are in the generation that is fast-paced, with a click and in a second everything is ready- microwaves, computers, internet, etc. many times whenever I am praying I turn off the light, my phone, no laptops and I try (still trying!!) to wake up early because it is usually peaceful in the early morn. Today, God told me to “pray for everything” instead of worrying about it all. He promises “God’s peace, the kind of peace that exceeds what you understand.” He wants me to fix my eyes on Him- who is True, Honorable and Right and Pure and Lovely, who is excellent and Worthy of praise. I keep on asking what are those things? I realized it was who- God was all of those things- much more! God is all of it. God asked me today to “Forget the Past and look forward on what lies ahead.” And despite all of my weaknesses, He promised me that “I can do ALL these things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Today, as I strain towards God, as I fight for that peace that He also desires. Papa, you are the one that I should think of. You, Papa should be my strength. And You Papa, will give me peace and I will be Still and know that you are GOD. :-D