Sometimes, we are the ones who made the worst monsters we wish we've never known. The very snake that we lovingly raised to bite us. The very best friend that is now your worst enemy. Or the Judas, after years of friendship, betrays us with a kiss and valued your friendship cheaply like they were 30 pieces of coins. The Peter we raised up so closely just to deny us not just three times. The very hand we used to hold and lead are now the hands that sinks deep, knives of lies and deciet on our backs. That we created the very rebels like David did with Absalom, our very own children, who will rise up and chase us away.
I realized that I created them. The very nightmares I cry about every night.
Anger rises up inside you. You want to express that rage. You want to break the face of the one who used to make you smile but now just makes you cry. But as you lift up your fist to give that first blow, you stop and slowly lower your fist down. As you look into their eyes- the monsters, the snakes, Judas, Peters and Absaloms you created, there is only one person you really want to hurt. And its You, reflected in their eyes. You hate the very person who lovingly created them.
You hate that you still love them.
Because you knew in your heart you could never hate them. You might have said 'what if' so many times but you never regreted them coming to your life. Even if how much you wished it to be.
Because when you look into their eyes, you see more than anyone else in the world. You know them so well, it seems you've known them more than yourself.
It took you years just to learn to love them and you know that it will Take twice as much years just to unlearn how to unlove them. That in a heartbeat you would still give everything to them even your very life. Or your pride. You would give anything just for them to transform back to their old selves. Wishful thinking that your love for them would transform them from a beast to humans. But you know they exist only in fairytales.
So you let them go. You remove your grip on them. Because its like holding a blade. The tighter you hold them, the more you will be wounded and bleed. You let them go. And you walk away. Its not worth to fight anymore. Who are you really fighting? It would be like wrestling with yourself. When you created them in the first place.
I realized that I created them. The very nightmares I cry about every night.
Anger rises up inside you. You want to express that rage. You want to break the face of the one who used to make you smile but now just makes you cry. But as you lift up your fist to give that first blow, you stop and slowly lower your fist down. As you look into their eyes- the monsters, the snakes, Judas, Peters and Absaloms you created, there is only one person you really want to hurt. And its You, reflected in their eyes. You hate the very person who lovingly created them.
You hate that you still love them.
Because you knew in your heart you could never hate them. You might have said 'what if' so many times but you never regreted them coming to your life. Even if how much you wished it to be.
Because when you look into their eyes, you see more than anyone else in the world. You know them so well, it seems you've known them more than yourself.
It took you years just to learn to love them and you know that it will Take twice as much years just to unlearn how to unlove them. That in a heartbeat you would still give everything to them even your very life. Or your pride. You would give anything just for them to transform back to their old selves. Wishful thinking that your love for them would transform them from a beast to humans. But you know they exist only in fairytales.
So you let them go. You remove your grip on them. Because its like holding a blade. The tighter you hold them, the more you will be wounded and bleed. You let them go. And you walk away. Its not worth to fight anymore. Who are you really fighting? It would be like wrestling with yourself. When you created them in the first place.
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